Radical Generosity

Give the “Gift of Life”

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” – The Dalai Lama

I’ve always thought of myself as a kind person. But in my fourth decade of life, I learned what true kindness is. A brain surgeon had just asked me if I would give my daughter’s vital organs to strangers. Maya, 19, had been declared brain dead and doctors had signed her death certificate. They were preparing to remove the machines keeping her heart beating and her lungs filled with air.

I was frozen with grief, paralyzed by anguish I thought I would never outlive. But I heard myself say “Yes!” to the doctor’s request.

In that moment I made a decision that would change my life forever, and radically alter the lives of countless others. Four people’s lives were saved, two people had their sight restored, and dozens benefitted from Maya’s bone and skin tissues which were processed and stored. Through the miracle of donation and transplantation, families were kept whole, and people on the verge of death found new life and strength.

Photo by Randalyn Hill on Unsplash

Maya died on April 6, 1992. During the early hours of the next morning her heart and liver were transplanted into the recipients, both hospitalized in San Francisco. Her kidneys were preserved and sent to the Boston area, where both were successfully transplanted. Her corneas went to people with impaired vision in the Bay Area.

By cosmic coincidence, April is National Donate Life Month, a time when Americans can sign donor cards allowing similar life-saving operations. There will be local, regional and national activities to help encourage Americans to register as organ, eye and tissue donors. One gift can save up to eight lives, and tissue donation can improve the lives of 75 more.

All major religions support organ donation. In studies of families who have donated their loved one’s organs and tissues, more than 85 percent say that donation made something positive come from the death.

When Maya died, it would have been so easy to give up. But because I chose radical generosity in a moment of crisis, hope was reborn for our family, including my surviving daughter Meghan, then eleven-years-old.

Two years later, I met the man who received my daughter’s heart, and heard it beating in his chest, a moment I describe in my book Swimming with Maya.

It’s been 34 years since Maya’s death after a devasting fall from a horse she was riding bareback. Over the years, I’ve attended many donor recognition events. I’ve spoken to hundreds of people about the hope that was reborn when I made the decision to donate. And our family has befriended the families of the heart and liver recipients, both of whom had young children at the time of their transplants. Now, these recipient families have welcomed grandchildren – and I have two beautiful granddaughters. All of us have gone on with our lives.

Today, 22 Americans will die waiting for an organ transplant. There are more than 118,000 people, many of them children, waiting for another family to make the most difficult decision a parent or spouse will ever face. Even if you have put the pink donor sticker on your driver’s license, in the end, your next of kin must give consent for the donation of your organs.

To become a donor, transplantation professionals advise that you:

• Talk to your family about your decision. Family members will be approached at the time of your death if organ donation is a possibility, and they will need to give their consent.

• Tell others about donation. More than 95 percent of Americans are in favor of being a donor but only 58 percent are registered.

• Learn and dispel myths about organ donation. People of all ages and medical conditions have the potential to become donors.

• Sign a donor card. You can register by visiting Donate Life America at

  the Donate Life website.

I didn’t have the power to change Maya’s fate. But I had the privilege of saying yes to something that brought hope to many people, including me. Saying yes to organ donation changed the course of my grief and my life. After three decades, I continue to celebrate Maya’s “gift of life” to others.